Strength In a Marriage

I have been married going on 9 years this October. We met each other at ages 16 and 19 at a house party. He lived 2 hours away so nothing really came of it until 4 years later after we both had been through terrible relationships. I came into the situation with a 3 month old son and he didn't have any children of his own but his ex had a daughter that he absolutely adored. We didn't put a title on our relationship in the beginning we just let it flow which I think helped take the pressure off both of us. I had my own place and "friends" and he still at this point lived 2 hours away with 2 females so maybe us not putting a title was our crazy way of protecting our hearts. I caught myself not wanting to hang with my so called "friends" anymore and when someone would approach me asking for my number I started saying no. I knew then that he was what I wanted. We dated for for 3 months before we introduced each other to our families. My family was up first for Thanksgiving in 2002 we showed up to the house and sat down at the table to eat when I noticed my mother's husband looking confused. I turned my head around the room to find that everyone had that look including my mother. I guess he didn't noticed everyone staring at him because he was too busy shoveling food into his mouth. So finally he looks up and notices everyone staring at him and says "What?" and my mother's husband with his heavy Jamaican accent says "Him clear mon, him clear!". I'm sure he had know idea what my mother's husband was talking about but we sure did. He looks at me in confusion and asks "what?" again so then I translated for him. I simply told him that everyone is shocked that he is white. He said "you didn't tell them" and I replied Nooooo! After we all laughed we had a great time.


Then that Christmas it was his turn I met his family and they seemed really nice. I must admit it was very different from what I was use too but I enjoyed seeing the closeness of family but there was that same awkwardness in the air the only difference is nobody broke the ice and said anything so it remained awkward for the rest of the night. I have to admit it made me feel a little out of place so I was ready to go home. I knew it had to be a shock for both families and more so for his because I came with a child who is completely African American so I know his family had all kinds of questions that they couldn't wait to ask when I left. Time goes by and things are great and we move in together but neither one of us had jobs that were worth much I was making $7.00 and that meant I was the so called bread winner of the household and he told me that as a man he wanted better for his family so he wanted to move back to where he came from to get his old job back so he could provide for his "family" and as hard as it was to put that 2 hour distance back between us I knew it had to be done. He moved back and that's when things got a little crazy. I was attacked in my home by my child's biological father and had to get an restraining order against him because I was in fear of my life. The next month came and I didn't get my period so I was immediately devastated. My boyfriend knew about the attack because he was on the phone when it happened so when I made the heart wrenching phone call to tell him that I didn't get my period that there was a possibility that I could be pregnant by my ex because he had forced himself on me that night. We were both very devastated and he told me to take the test and that we would deal with whatever we need it to once we knew for sure. Well I tell you god is great because after 3 pregnancy test I got my period late and was not pregnant. I was happy I wasn't pregnant but I still felt worthless.


I went through a terrible depression and developed paranoia after the attack. It was very straining on our relationship but we stayed together. Then one day after I found an apartment where he lived, we were driving 2 hours to bring him a pillow so he could sleep the apartment until moving day when I had to pull over and threw up figuring it was just a stomach bug I continued on my journey. One month later I felt not so good again so I told him I was pregnant he asked how I knew without taking a test. I laughed and said because I know my body. He wasn't excited and it hurt a little but then I found out the girl he was with before me had lied to him about being pregnant got 3 month then said she miscarried so of course he had his doubts but I was right and now we have raised 2 beautiful young men together. They are now 14 and soon to be 11 years old. We got married when they were 5 and 3 years old. We have dealt with it all from ex's to racism yet we still remain together. I can't say it has been easy by any means necessary but it has been so worth it. It truly takes STRENGTH IN A MARRIAGE to survive whatever life throws your way. I feel like because we went through so much in the beginning and we still made it to the alter so I feel there is nothing we can't get through....well let me take that back because I REFUSE to be with another cheater willingly. I did that before and promised myself never again because it made me feel low so we can make it through anything except infidelity. I know that the strength we have don't come from us it comes from God and without him your marriage is as weak as they come. So my advice to you is stay prayed up, communicate, love on one another and remember that God didn't create us to be unhappy he wants us to LOVE and the best feeling in the world is knowing the strength of your marriage because that alone will make everything else fall in place.              




 Remember Love is Kind - Love always SunShyne B.